- Excitement / Joy / Elation / Disbelief
- Fear / Panic / Disbelief
- Anger / Resentment / Frustration / Disbelief
Note: Disbelief falls in all categories because you could be feeling any other emotion and mix it with disbelief. You could be happy or sad or panicked and still feel disbelief.
Here's the funniest thing about the moment you hear those words. Regardless of how you feel, it still feels like getting blindsided by the weak side linebacker! It's just a complete shock! Then, after you realize you've been hit is when you attach an emotion to it. Don't worry about which feeling you have just yet because we'll talk about what I did and how to make the best of any situation.
Here's my story for you to learn from. I absolutely fell into the Fear/Panic category when I heard the news. It was a Friday night and my new wife (we were married about a month) were sitting in the bedroom. I had just gotten back from running some errands and she walked in the bedroom to see me. I could tell something was off from the look on her face. You know that look, and it didn't look good. So I ask "what's up babe, everything alright?" She looks deep into my eyes and just comes out and said it. WHAM! No warning or build-up at all. I absolutely felt that blindside hit and didn't know how to react.
See, my wife and I had a plan. We both wanted kids eventually. After marriage, we were planning to wait 4 years before having kids. We felt that was enough time to enjoy each other, build up some income, and have a stable situation to bring children into the world. That was the plan! And here we are literally ONE MONTH after tying the knot and are plan is busted. Unfortunately, in those situations, you have fractions of a second to react and for most guys it doesn't go well when we don't think it through. I did not and simply gave "The Blank Stare" back at my wife. The look when you have nothing to say, but you need to respond in some way but you can't decide. Your brain literally moves so fast it seems to just freeze up like a glitched computer. Then, the moment passes and my wife realized that "the stare" was my reaction and I was panicked. Thankfully, she felt the same way and we both had an "oh sh%t" laugh that was so rough it was more like a cry. So we hugged and started talking lightly about the unexpected change of plans and how we both were firmly in the fear category. It was extremely awkward on both ends which actually made it easier looking back. And it got much easier from there.
So that's my story and hopefully you can learn from what I did. I can do as much as possible to prepare you, but I definitely cannot give an accurate preparation for the gut wrenching feeling when you hear the real thing. If you were planning to have a baby, or are just the type to roll with it and be excited, you are probably doing well between you and your partner. That's assuming she wanted kids. If she didn't and you knocked her up just to give you a baby, then WTF is wrong with you?!
If you messed up and got angry at your partner, you should really think again about your reaction. Was it justified? There's a chance it could be, but make sure you are 100% positive in that belief before pursuing it. Remember, she might just throw you the nastiest curve ball if you present things incorrectly. And it'll likely mean striking out. If you were wrong, go buy her a balloon saying congratulations and her favorite food. It'll stop the bleeding. Then, apologize and tell her calmly why you acted the way you did and how you're feeling. I know that can be challenging for you guys, but she will appreciate it and have a much higher chance of understanding where you're coming from.
Overall, this moment is a complete life changer whether you want it to be or not. The more you can look at the positive side of it, the better everything will go. Just remember, you still have 9 months to figure things out and prepare. Don't be an idiot and think your partner is going to have an easy 9 months though, because as much as it's a big change for you, it's 10x bigger for her (literally and figuratively). You need to respect that otherwise she'll make you an unrestricted free agent before you know it and you won't be involved when it counts. Just channel your inner quarterback and make good quality decisions and things will go smoothly. Best of luck until next time!
See, my wife and I had a plan. We both wanted kids eventually. After marriage, we were planning to wait 4 years before having kids. We felt that was enough time to enjoy each other, build up some income, and have a stable situation to bring children into the world. That was the plan! And here we are literally ONE MONTH after tying the knot and are plan is busted. Unfortunately, in those situations, you have fractions of a second to react and for most guys it doesn't go well when we don't think it through. I did not and simply gave "The Blank Stare" back at my wife. The look when you have nothing to say, but you need to respond in some way but you can't decide. Your brain literally moves so fast it seems to just freeze up like a glitched computer. Then, the moment passes and my wife realized that "the stare" was my reaction and I was panicked. Thankfully, she felt the same way and we both had an "oh sh%t" laugh that was so rough it was more like a cry. So we hugged and started talking lightly about the unexpected change of plans and how we both were firmly in the fear category. It was extremely awkward on both ends which actually made it easier looking back. And it got much easier from there.
So that's my story and hopefully you can learn from what I did. I can do as much as possible to prepare you, but I definitely cannot give an accurate preparation for the gut wrenching feeling when you hear the real thing. If you were planning to have a baby, or are just the type to roll with it and be excited, you are probably doing well between you and your partner. That's assuming she wanted kids. If she didn't and you knocked her up just to give you a baby, then WTF is wrong with you?!
If you messed up and got angry at your partner, you should really think again about your reaction. Was it justified? There's a chance it could be, but make sure you are 100% positive in that belief before pursuing it. Remember, she might just throw you the nastiest curve ball if you present things incorrectly. And it'll likely mean striking out. If you were wrong, go buy her a balloon saying congratulations and her favorite food. It'll stop the bleeding. Then, apologize and tell her calmly why you acted the way you did and how you're feeling. I know that can be challenging for you guys, but she will appreciate it and have a much higher chance of understanding where you're coming from.
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