How To Prepare To Become A Dad...The Mindset

So we've gotten past that moment when you find out that you're becoming a daddy. Congratulations by the way! Becoming a dad is amazing and you're going to be great at it! Now, you are a few months away from the birth of your child, and it can seem like plenty of time, but trust me the time flies. Start preparing as early as possible because it will dramatically help reduce stress. Your job is to prepare! Prepare yourself, prepare your finances, prepare your living space, prepare as much as you can. Trust me when I say, the more diligently you prepare now, the easier your life will be as you approach the birth.

The clock is ticking my friend and you have less than 9 months to be ready for a big change. This is the biggest audible of your life but if you're reading the defense correctly, you'll nail this play and score big time! And by score I mean earn the love and respect of your partner and family by showing that you're a good man and father.

So what do you mean when you say prepare your mind? I believe the more you know ahead of time, the less surprised you'll be when things happen and the better you will respond in the heat of the moment. First and foremost, your partner may or may not realize that her hormones are changing rapidly and that can affect her mood. That means she could be usually calm, unusually sad or usually quick to fly off the handle (and women who have been pregnant fully admit their emotions and hormones are out of whack during pregnancy). Why is this so important?! Because you must learn to read between the lines and figure out of the emotion she's showing is real or triggered by her hormones.. I know this is already difficult enough for men (trust me I know...I really know...) but like I said if you know about it ahead of time, you can react better.

I remember when my wife was pregnant with our first and she actually was extremely calm most of the time. It was quite nice actually because I'd read one of the 200 books (it was actually more like 8 books and I didn't actually read the whole book...) talking about how women can be very emotional during pregnancy and you're supposed to "just deal with it." Well that freaked me out not knowing what could happen, but my wife was awesome! However, when she got hungry, it was time to eat right now! And her appetite can change dramatically in a matter of hours, which is absolutely insane. One time, she just was in the mood for soup. We happened to have some Campbell's Chunky soup, the beef pot roast style in the cupboard, so I made it for her. She loved it so much that she told me "Can you go to the store and get more of that? It was so good I'll definitely have more of it." And being the good husband, I immediately drove to the store and bought 5 more cans thinking this should last a few days until we do a normal grocery shopping trip. As I'm walking back in and putting them away, she looks at me and says "Yeah I actually don't want those and really don't think I'll ever ear them." I.....was.....yeah you can guess.

That just goes to show you need to be prepared mentally for those moments, My wife didn't mean any harm and she really couldn't control her appetite so I had to let it go. It wasn't easy. And it may not be for you either, but if you're prepared it might go a little better. Her emotions can change in an instant and you just gotta roll with it. If she wants to cry, hold her and let her cry. If she wants to yell, let her scream and punch you in the arm if that helps. It will all be OK and you need to know that in the back of your mind. Do your best to keep control because she might need to feel that security.

If there's one thing you remember from this post, it should be this: if you love her and she loves you, this phase will pass. Enjoy this special time before your first child because you will never get this intimate time again even if you have more children. You're going to do great!

When You First Hear Those Words.... "I'm Pregnant"

So you are currently in one of two positions, you've either already heard those words or are preparing to heard them someday. Chances are, if you're reading this you fall in category 1 so let's discuss that first and follow it up with those few people who prepare exceptionally well. If your partner has told you those magic words, you are currently having one of three feelings:

• Excitement / Joy / Elation / Disbelief 
• Fear / Panic / Disbelief
• Anger / Resentment / Frustration / Disbelief

Note: Disbelief falls in all categories because you could be feeling any other emotion and mix it with disbelief. You could be happy or sad or panicked and still feel disbelief. 

Here's the funniest thing about the moment you hear those words. Regardless of how you feel, it still feels like getting blindsided by the weak side linebacker! It's just a complete shock! Then, after you realize you've been hit is when you attach an emotion to it. Don't worry about which feeling you have just yet because we'll talk about what I did and how to make the best of any situation. 

Here's my story for you to learn from. I absolutely fell into the Fear/Panic category when I heard the news. It was a Friday night and my new wife (we were married about a month) were sitting in the bedroom. I had just gotten back from running some errands and she walked in the bedroom to see me. I could tell something was off from the look on her face. You know that look, and it didn't look good. So I ask "what's up babe, everything alright?" She looks deep into my eyes and just comes out and said it. WHAM! No warning or build-up at all. I absolutely felt that blindside hit and didn't know how to react.

See, my wife and I had a plan. We both wanted kids eventually. After marriage, we were planning to wait 4 years before having kids. We felt that was enough time to enjoy each other, build up some income, and have a stable situation to bring children into the world. That was the plan! And here we are literally ONE MONTH after tying the knot and are plan is busted. Unfortunately, in those situations, you have fractions of a second to react and for most guys it doesn't go well when we don't think it through. I did not and simply gave "The Blank Stare" back at my wife. The look when you have nothing to say, but you need to respond in some way but you can't decide. Your brain literally moves so fast it seems to just freeze up like a glitched computer. Then, the moment passes and my wife realized that "the stare" was my reaction and I was panicked. Thankfully, she felt the same way and we both had an "oh sh%t" laugh that was so rough it was more like a cry. So we hugged and started talking lightly about the unexpected change of plans and how we both were firmly in the fear category. It was extremely awkward on both ends which actually made it easier looking back. And it got much easier from there.

So that's my story and hopefully you can learn from what I did. I can do as much as possible to prepare you, but I definitely cannot give an accurate preparation for the gut wrenching feeling when you hear the real thing. If you were planning to have a baby, or are just the type to roll with it and be excited, you are probably doing well between you and your partner. That's assuming she wanted kids. If she didn't and you knocked her up just to give you a baby, then WTF is wrong with you?!

If you messed up and got angry at your partner, you should really think again about your reaction. Was it justified? There's a chance it could be, but make sure you are 100% positive in that belief before pursuing it. Remember, she might just throw you the nastiest curve ball if you present things incorrectly. And it'll likely mean striking out. If you were wrong, go buy her a balloon saying congratulations and her favorite food. It'll stop the bleeding. Then, apologize and tell her calmly why you acted the way you did and how you're feeling. I know that can be challenging for you guys, but she will appreciate it and have a much higher chance of understanding where you're coming from.

Overall, this moment is a complete life changer whether you want it to be or not. The more you can look at the positive side of it, the better everything will go. Just remember, you still have 9 months to figure things out and prepare. Don't be an idiot and think your partner is going to have an easy 9 months though, because as much as it's a big change for you, it's 10x bigger for her (literally and figuratively). You need to respect that otherwise she'll make you an unrestricted free agent before you know it and you won't be involved when it counts. Just channel your inner quarterback and make good quality decisions and things will go smoothly. Best of luck until next time!

Welcome to the Game!

So becoming a new father is one of the most exhilarating experiences. Ok maybe it's a different experience than catching the game changing touchdown or making the winning free throw. But it's still an experience regardless. I'm a big sports junkie so I make a lot of comparisons to sports because I feel that's just how I communicate most effectively. I now have 2 children with my wife: a 1-year-old boy and a 1-month-old baby girl. It is unbelievable to think of how our life has changed in the past year and a half. I'm talking everything has been flipped around and I never found anything that prepared me for that. 

So this is my gift to all the new dad's. There are millions of books for the women about how they're feeling, what they're experiencing, what the baby is doing, etc. but no one seems to really care about helping dad. I'm going to tell you my experiences and what I've learned so far being a year and a half into this new life. Hopefully, it can prepare you in some small way to understand the enormous change that's coming your way. 

And if you think that your life isn't going to change all that much, I strongly encourage you to be prepared for the blindside blitz. Trust me, the outside backer beat the tackle and is barreling down on you. From the moment your new blessing is born, you will be in an all out scramble. And then when you think it couldn't get more difficult, having a second child back-to-back feels like getting double-teamed in the corner when you just picked up the dribble. But there is relief and that's what this is here for. I'm hoping you find the open man in the corner for a three and can beat your chest about how ridiculously great you are! Anyway, it's nice having you and wish you all the best on this life long journey of fatherhood!